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Someone has said that compared to marriage, birth is a mere episode of life and dying is a trivial incident. Many of us agree with that because marriage is a very critical area for many of us. We are hurting very badly as Americans and as Christians in this particular area. Many of the questions that people ask today concerning marriage are the same ones that the Corinthians asked two thousand years ago. The Corinthians turned to Paul with their questions on marriage and under the inspiration of God, Paul answered their questions. The seventh chapter of 1 Corinthians is devoted to marriage and some of its related problems. In verses 1-7 Paul established the general principle that marriage is the norm for Christians but that singleness, as a special gift of God, is good.
In verses 8-16 Paul applies that basic truth to four groups of believers: (1) those who are formerly married; (2) those who are married to believers; (3) those who are married to unbelievers and who want to remain married; and (4) those who are married to unbelievers and who want to leave the marriage. In the first situation God offers an option; in the other three He gives commands. Most of us fit into one of those four categories, so Paul's words are very relevant to us. The questions of those of you who are single and have never been married will be addressed when we get to verse 25, but the passage we will look at today benefit everyone for understanding God's view of marriage and divorce.
The first question that Paul answered is in verses 8 & 9:
1 Corinthians 7:8 (NKJV) "But I say to the unmarried and to the
widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am;
The words "but I say" introduce a new subject. Paul had received a question. We don't know exactly what the question was, but we can conclude from the answer Paul gave that the question was a very simple one. Their question was, "Can those who were formerly married remarry?" An individual Corinthian believer may have phrase his question this way, "Now that I have come to know the Lord as my Savior, and now that one of the desires of my heart is to serve God, should I get remarried?"
This chapter describes 3 categories of single people: the unmarried and widows (verse 8) and the virgins (verse 25). Let's see if we can clarify these groups of people. Virgins is the Greek word parthenos which refers to someone who has never been married or had a sexual relationship; it is used of both men and women. Revelation 14:4 says: "These are the ones who were not defiled with women, for they are virgins." Widows is the Greek word chera which conveys the idea of deficiency: a widow lacks a husband. This would also include a man whose wife had died. Unmarried is the Greek word agamos from "a" which means not and "gamos" which means marriage. It's only used 4 times in the New Testament and all of the uses are here in this chapter.
Who are the unmarried, the agamos? They are different from the widows refered to in verse 8. In verse 32 agamos is used in a general way to contrast to the married referred to in verse 33. Verse 34 has some textual problems which we will deal with later in the series, but the New International Version captures the true sense.
1 Corinthians 7:34 (NIV) "and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world--how she can please her husband."
Paul probably had two distinct groups in mind: the unmarried (who were not virgins) and virgins. The clearest insight into this puzzle comes from the use of the term in verses 10 & 11 where it seems to refer to divorced people. "If she departs (divorces) let her remain unmarried." So 1 Corinthians 7:8 has two categories of single people, the unmarried and widows, both of whom were formerly married. Paul told them that it's good if they stay single if God gave them that ability.
The question, "Should I get remarried?", must be considered against the teaching that the Corinthians had received after Paul left Corinth. Some men at Corinth were teaching that marriage was morally evil in contrast to celibacy. They taught that the higher moral state for a Christian was celibacy. They probably concluded this from the teaching of the pagan philosophers who taught asceticism, which included celibacy. They may have even found it in the teaching of our Lord. In Matthew 19 the Lord taught that there would be some who would make themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of God. They may have developed their ideas about celibacy from their exposure in grossly immoral city of Corinth. Perhaps because of all the immorality the men had decided that the best approach was to avoid women altogether. However it came about, the Corinthian Christians were being taught that celibacy was a higher moral state than marriage.
There are still those in our day who teach this. For example, the priest in the Roman Catholic Church must be celibate. This teaching could lead to some peculiar conclusions. According to Roman Catholic theology, marriage is a sacrament, but celibacy is not. Therefore a priest who refuses to marry is not celebrating a sacrament. To him, celibacy is superior to married life. Hence it is spiritually advantageous to avoid the sacrament; the sacrament causes spiritual damage. Does that make sense?
These new, previously married Christians were serious about their service to the Lord and they needed to ask Paul his opinion. Paul gave them a twofold answer. The first part of his answer was very simple. Paul said, "My personal preference is celibacy for those who are able." In the words of the NKJV, "It is good for them if they remain even as I am." By that statement Paul affirmed that he was formerly married. At the time Paul wrote the Corinthians he was unmarried and his preference was that they stay single too. Don't misunderstand Paul--he is not depreciating marriage. Remember last week we looked at several things that show that Paul had a high view of marriage. Paul was not saying that marriage is unimportant. Paul spoke to these Corinthians as a general would speak to a group of soldiers about to go to a prolonged war against a very powerful enemy in his own territory. The word of the general to the soldiers was simply, "This is not the time to get married." That is what Paul said to these Corinthians: "Marriage is natural, and you have the right to get married, but in my opinion it is better if you remain single". Keep in mind the context of this advice. In verse 26 Paul spoke of their present difficulties and in verse 32 he spoke of the added responsib ilities of marriage. In a different context Paul counselled the younger widows to marry:
1 Timothy 5:14 (NKJV) "Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully."
The first part of Paul's answer to the Corinthians was simple, "Remain celibate if you are able". But Paul realized that everyone was not able, so the second part of his answer dealt with the exception:
but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9)
In other words, Paul said, "If you are not able to remain single then go ahead and marry. It's better to get married than to spend your whole life fighting off the threat of fornication because you can't control your passion". Paul recognized that marriage provides the only lawful expression of the sexual instinct. Paul said that if a believer did not have the gift of singleness and was being strongly tempted sexually, then he should pursue marriage.
Paul said, "For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." The Greek word burn is puroo which means to kindle, to be ignited, glow, to be inflamed with anger, grief or lust. To burn is to have constant thoughts and desires for sexual expression, although some commentators try to make this mean hell. The verb is in the present infinitive which indicates a man or woman constantly plagued by unclean desires. This verse has nothing to do with hell. The divorced and widowed who had previously had an active sex life and had problems controlling their passions were to remarry.
Many today contradict the words of Scripture and say if a believer is divorced, he must remain single. They say in effect, "It is better to burn than to marry." Let's not put people in bondage who the Lord has set free.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV) "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."
When a person trusts Christ he becomes a new creation and all of his sins are forgiven. We often hold past sins against people whom God has forgiven. Divorce is not the unpardonable sin! The chief of sinners became the greatest Christian who ever lived, by God's grace:
1 Timothy 1:15-16 (NKJV) "This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief. However, for this reason I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show all longsuffering, as a pattern to those who are going to believe on Him for everlasting life."
If someone who was a Christian killer was forgiven and used by God, then why can't a divorced person? I believe he can, even as an elder or deacon, if the divorce took place before his salvation.
There is one restriction on remarriage given in verse 39: "only in the Lord." A formerly married person was to only marry a believer, and other Scripture bears this out:
2 Corinthians 6:14 (NKJV) "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"
I believe that this implies that a believer shouldn't date an unbeliever because every date is a potential mate. Let me also say that a believer should marry a disciple, a believer who is walking in fellowship with the Lord and growing.
Each person must live according to the gift that God has given him: if a person's gift is to be married, then let him not try to exercise a gift he does not possess by remaining unmarried. That summarizes Paul's teaching in verse 7. A person can't live in celibacy if he doesn't have the gift because he would always be burning with desire and that would be devastating to his spiritual life and to his ministry. God can use an unmarried person in many ways that would be very difficult for a married person. Those who have the gift of singleness are to remain single. A believer can receive this gift after he has been married and becomes single like Anna did.
Luke 2:36-37 (NKJV) "Now there was one, Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; and this woman was a widow of about eighty-four years, who did not depart from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day."
She obviously received the gift of singleness after her husband died and she used it joyfully in the Lord's work. Marriage is not for everyone, but it is the norm.
What if a person doesn't have the gift of singleness but he can't find the right person to marry? Until the right person is found, his every energy should be redirected in ways that will be the most helpful in keeping his mind off temptation. Two of the best ways to ward off temptation are spiritual service and physical activity. He should avoid listening to, looking at, or being around anything that strengthens the temptation. He should also realize that, until God gives him the right person, He will provide strength to resist temptation.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (NKJV) "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."
He should also learn like Paul to be content in any situation that the Lord places him in.
Let me say one more thing in reference to 1 Corinthians 7:9. Once a Christian couple decides to get married, they should do it as soon as possible. In a day of lowered standards and constant suggestiveness, it is extremely difficult to stay sexually pure. The practical problems of an early marriage are not nearly as serious or complicated as the danger of immorality.
The second, more difficult, question that Paul dealt with is in 1 Corinthians 7:10 & 11. The second question came from Christians who were married to Christians. These may have been couples who were saved after their marriage. Their question seems to be, "Now that I am a Christian, should I dissolve my marriage?" Remember they were being taught that celibacy was a higher moral state than marriage. The pro-celibacy faction encouraged people to get divorced if they could not live with a spouse without engaging in sex. They were asking if they should divorce so that they could live in the higher state of celibacy. The question is worded differently today but the issue is the same: can a Christian divorce a Christian wife or husband?
Paul began his answer this way: "Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord..." (1 Corinthians 7:10). That is a strange statement. Was Paul drawing a distinction between what he said and what the Lord said? Yes. But was he saying that what his words were less inspired then what the Lord said? No! Paul used this statement to say, "Corinthians, your question has already been answered by the Lord." Paul had twice spoken of what was good in verses 8 & 9, and he had given his advice, but in verse 10 he gave a divine command, not a suggestion. Paul said, "I am just reiterating what the Lord said."
A wife is not to depart from her husband. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. (7:10)
Paul's answer was this: a Christian ought not to divorce a fellow Christian. Marriage is designed by God to be a permanent relationship as the Lord taught in Matthew 19:5-6 (NKJV):
"and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh'? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate."
This is the Lord's commentary on Genesis 2 and the institution of marriage. He taught that it was a permanent relationship and that the two become one and no man is to separate them. Paul simply told the Corinthians what the Lord taught. There is to be no divorce between a Christian husband and a Christian wife. Is this is clear enough? Notice that Paul used two different verbs. Of the wife he said, "Let her not depart (choreo)", which literally means not to be separated. In verse 11 he said, "The husband is not to put away (aphiemi) his wife". Aphiemi means to send forth. Although they are two different verbs, they both refer to a divorce. In the days of the New Testament the man owned the home, so in a divorce, the woman would leave the home and the man would put her out of the home. Paul taught that marriage was to be a permanent relationship. The Corinthians were to remain married.
Paul anticipated a possible violation of that command so he said, "But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband" (verse 11). Perhaps some divorces had already occurred between believers in Corinth. In that case, a believer had two options: remain single or be remarried to his original partner. Paul eliminated remarriage to another. Paul did not entertain the exception that the Lord taught in Matthew 5 & 19. As I understand those passages, it is possible for a Christian to divorce another Christian on only one ground: fornication.
Matthew 5:32 (NKJV) "But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery."
If a divorce is on the ground of fornication, then remarriage to another is permissible. (In the Old Testament, fornication was a capital offense, so the innocent partner was free to remarry.) Paul did not introduce that exception in 1 Corinthians 7 because he was answering a question from the Corinthians rather than giving a complete doctrine of marriage and divorce. Paul said, "If you are a believer, stay married. Marriage is permanent and it is to be until death separates you". According to Malachi 2:14, God is the witness of the commitment that two people make on their wedding day. Do not take marriage lightly, it is a covenant to be broken only by death.
Divorce is an option if it is for the cause of fornication, and then remarriage to another is possible. But keep in mind that nowhere in all of the Bible is divorce ever commanded, nor is it automatic, nor does it have the approval of God. Divorce in every case is wrong, it is an evil. God tolerated it in the Old Testament and He tolerates it in the New Testament, but it is never His desire. Malachi 2:16 says that God hates divorce. If a believer discovers unfaithfulness on the part of his spouse, then he is to forgive (see Ephesians 4:32). Divorce should only be for unrepentant fornication.
If a believer divorces his believing spouse, must they each remain single? YES! For how long? The way I see it, they must remain single until they are either reconciled or one of them commits sexual sin or is remarried. Remember, there is only one exception to "no divorce" for believers and that is sexual sin, porneia. This may be hard to accept, but remember, "When Scripture speaks God speaks."
The third and final question comes with the beginning of verse 12. This question is probably the most difficult of the three. This question came from those who had mixed marriages, a believer married to an unbeliever. Since believers are commanded not to marry unbelievers, we assume that after the marriage one of the parties became a Christian. The question might have been, "As a Christian, should I divorce my unbelieving wife or husband?"
Against the background of Corinth and the Old Testament, this is a very understandable question. In Ezra 10:2-3 the Israelites were instructed to divorce their unbelieving wives and husbands.
"We have trespassed against our God, and have taken pagan wives from the peoples of the land; yet now there is hope in Israel in spite of this. Now therefore, let us make a covenant with our God to put away all these wives and those who have been born to them, according to the advice of my master and of those who tremble at the commandment of our God; and let it be done according to the law.
When Israel was restored after seventy years of captivity, a reform took place in the nation and they were instructed to divorce the unbelieving partners that they had taken during the time of the captivity. With that in mind, the Christians at Corinth were saying, "What should I do with my unbelieving wife? Should I divorce her?" Haggai 2 would also have influenced them. Haggai pointed out that defilement is communicated, and as it is communicated, it defiles the person that comes in contact with it.
Haggai 2:11-13 (NKJV) "Thus says the LORD of hosts: 'Now, ask the priests concerning the law, saying, "If one carries holy meat in the fold of his garment, and with the edge he touches bread or stew, wine or oil, or any food, will it become holy?" Then the priests answered and said, "No." And Haggai said, "If one who is unclean because of a dead body touches any of these, will it be unclean?" So the priests answered and said, "It shall be unclean.""
When an Israelite touched a dead body he was ceremonially defiled. Defilement was communicated. So the Christian asks, "Should I divorce my unbelieving wife? Am I being defiled by my unbelieving partner?" Those were honest questions, especially in light of Paul's teaching that their bodies were members of Christ and temples of the Holy Spirit (6:15-20).
To a believer that was in love with the Lord and walking in holiness, it would be hard to live with an unbeliever. That was the background of this question. Paul's answer was twofold. He began, "But to the rest I, not the Lord, say," (7:12). In other words, since the Lord never spoke to this question, Paul gave his answer under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit:
If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.
That's clear isn't it? A believing spouse ought never to take the initiative to divorce an unbeliever. As long as the unbeliever is willing to live with the Christian, the believer is to stay married. The question of divorce depends upon the attitude of the unbeliever.
And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.
This verse simply gives the converse of the situation presented in 7:12. Since Paul was writing to people who were governed by Roman law, he considered the wife's wishes as well as the husband's. Greek and Roman law permitted a wife to gain a divorce as readily as her husband, whereas the Jews permitted a wife to divorce her husband only in highly restricted cases. In a household with one believing spouse, the decision to dissolve the marriage must come only from the unbeliever.
The Christian is to do everything in his power to continue the marriage relationship. Paul gave several reasons for attempting to continue the marriage to an unbeliever.
For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. (7:14)
Sanctified is the Greek word hagiazo which means to separate, to set apart. The Christian spouse sanctifies or sets apart his spouse to a place of blessing and privilege. The perfect tense of the verb indicates that this is not a condition that is yet to be achieved. In other words, the unbelieving spouse won't necessarily be saved. The unbelieving spouse is sanctified right now. The Christian spouse is a channel of God's grace in the marriage. Within the "one flesh" relationship, the blessings of God which come to the Christian affected the family as a whole. Remember Noah: because of his faith his whole family was spared the judgement of the flood. They were set apart by God. Laban was blessed because of Jacob:
Genesis 30:27 (NKJV) "And Laban said to him, "Please stay, if I have found favor in your eyes, for I have learned by experience that the LORD has blessed me for your sake."
Potiphar was blessed because of Joseph:
Genesis 39:5 (NKJV) "So it was, from the time that he had made him overseer of his house and all that he had, that the LORD blessed the Egyptian's house for Joseph's sake; and the blessing of the LORD was on all that he had in the house and in the field."
It was in this sense that the unbelieving spouse was sanctified and the children were holy.
Let me give you a personal example of how this works. When I was a little child my Grandmother moved in with us. She was a believer and by living in our home she sanctified it. I have very vivid memories of her on her knees at her bed praying with her Bible open in front of her. One night I came home late with some stolen property and to get to my room I had to walk by her room. As I passed her room, there she was on her knees praying. She was a constant reminder to me of the reality of God. After about sixteen years of her living with us, I came to faith in Christ and so did my mother, father, and sister. Then I led Cathy to the Lord and we were married and started our family. After years of my daughter, Katie, praying very diligently for my brother, Gary, he came to the Lord. My sister Laurie led Mike to the Lord and they were married. And on and on it goes, all because of a little old lady who was deeply in love with the Lord. My grandmother sanctified our house, and her influence permeated the whole f amily.
Paul told the Corinthian believers, "You are not defiled by an unbelieving partner, but he is set apart by you. As God blesses you, he will enjoy the blessing also". If a believing spouse left his unsaved partner, what would he do about their children? Children are born unbelievers and if defilement is communicated, then believing spouses need to also abandon the children. But the Christian spouse is not defiled by the child but the child is set apart by him. A believer married to an unbeliever is not to seek divorce because he is the one who sanctifies the unbeliever. The believer is to do everything he can to stay together to bring blessing upon the unbelieving spouse.
But what if the unbeliever doesn't want to live with the Christian? That is the exception that Paul speaks of in verse 15. Once again, the second part of his answer dealt with the exception.
But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases. But God has called us to peace.
If the unbeliever couldn't put up with living with the Christian and he departed, Paul said to let him depart. The Christian was not to oppose the departure of the unbeliever and the Christian was not under bondage in such cases. "Not under bondage" is the Greek word douloo which means slavery, to be held by constraint. Before the divorce, the believer was in bondage to the marriage. After the divorce he was not in bondage to the marriage.
Romans 7:2 (NKJV) "For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of her husband."
"Not under bondage" was a decisive legal term that signified the complete liberation of a slave from his master, and the total and final release from the bondage of matrimony. It signifies the dissolution of the marriage and freedom to remarry. If a believer could not remarry, he was certainly in bondage.
1 Corinthians 7:39 gives us the general rule that marriage is to be a lifelong commitment. But in 7:15, Paul gave us an exception. In verses 27 & 28, the apostle Paul said to the man loosed from matrimonial bondage by a biblical divorce, "If thou marry, thou hast not sinned." The Christian was not bound to continue the marriage and he was free to divorce the unbeliever. A believer was never to take the initiative, but if the unbeliever wanted out, then the believer could let him go. Paul said at the end of verse 15 that God allows divorce in such cases because "God hath called us to peace". It is better to break up a mixed marriage of this kind than to try to perpetuate it with continual discord. If the believing party were under obligation to prevent the departure, he would be subject to the unbeliever and would virtually be forced to abandon his or her faith to prevent the divorce.
For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Corinthians 7:16)
This verse gives the reason for allowing the unbelieving husband or wife to leave if he or she so desires. There is no guarantee that the unbeliever will become a Christian and if the believer fights to stay married, that won't do much to bring the unbeliever to Christ.
Paul told the Corinthians and us, "If you're divorced, stay single if you can handle it. If you can't handle, it get married. If you're married to a believer, stay that way. If you're married to an unbeliever, stay married if you can, but if he wants a divorce, let him go.
This is very different from what we hear in our society, but this is God's view of marriage and divorce. Christian marriages are to be testimonies to the world, but all too often they are indistinguishable from the world.
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