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Prior to the sexual revolution in America, the sexual purity of God's people drew a sharp line dividing them from the non-Christian world: we used to be different. But things have radically changed. In his book, Flirting with the World, John White draws these sobering conclusions: "the sexual behavior of Christians has reached the point of being indistinguishable from that of non-Christians...in our sexual behavior we, as a Christian community, are both in the world, and of it." I am convinced that White is correct. High standards of morality, including sexual morality, used to be inseparable from the Christian faith, but this is no longer the case. It is increasingly difficult to discern where the world ends and the church begins.
Two thousand years ago the believers in Corinth faced sexual temptation whenever they walked the streets. But today we live in a technological Corinth. We don't have to leave our homes because through the wonders of technology, sexual temptation pursues us everywhere. Television sitcoms aim to have us laugh at sexual immoratlity. Videos, movies, books, magazines, newspapers, music, and computer online services and software all extoll immorality and are readily available. American's obsession with sex is so great that anyone who doesn't share it is considered abnormal. If a future civilization someday unearths the tell-tale ruins of present day America, it will undoubtedly conclude that we spent a third of our time having sex, another third planning it, and the other third talking about it.
Our modern sexual openness is endlessly pawned off as healthy, emancipating, and long over due. We are supposedly throwing off Victorianism and Puritanism. But is our preoccupation with sex really a sign of sexual health? Who talks most about how they are feeling? Sick people. Who buys books on car repairs? Those with car problems. Who buys drain cleaner? Those with clogged drains. Who thinks about, talks about, and buys the most books about sex? Those with sexual problems.
The more we have sought fulfillment apart from God, the further into the sexual desert we have wandered. Augustine said, "Thou hast made us for Thyself, O God, and the heart of man is restless until it finds its rest in Thee." We are all searching to meet our deepest need which is to be loved by someone. It is a real and legitimate need, and every behavior is an attempt to meet it. God intends for it to be met in Himself as our Creator and Savior. Traced to its roots, sexual lust is not only a physical problem but a spiritual problem as well.
Like the frog that boiled to death by degrees, many Christian homes have been gradually desensitized to sexual sin by the media and entertainment. The result is predictable: immorality is more rampant among believers than ever before. We are facing a moral epidemic of enormous and frightening proportions in the church. The church is riddled with immorality, among young people and older people, among the single and the married, among the congregation and the leadership. No Christian is immune to sexual temptation.
The world we live in constantly promotes sexual sin, but the Scriptures clearly tell us that we are not to be conformed to the world.
Romans 12:1-2 (NKJV) "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And do not be conformed to this world, [Phillips translates this, "Do not let the world squeeze you into its mold"] but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."
We are to be different than the world around us but this will only happen as we are transformed by the Word of God. The world is constantly trying to conform us through its multimedia presentation on the pleasures of sexual sin. We need to understand and constantly be reminded of what the Scriptures say about sexual sin.
What does the Scripture say about fornication? The word fornication is the Greek word porneia. As a whole, the New Testament uses porneia, most often translated fornication, in at least four ways:
Porneia is a broad term used to cover any form of sexual sin. Let's look at what the Bible says about sexual sin.
The heart of God's law is expressed in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:1-17). Remember that they are commandments, not the ten suggestions. One of the fundamental laws prohibits sexual involvements outside one's own marriage. Exodus 20:14 says, "You shall not commit adultery." This commandment starkly contrasted with the nations that surrounded Israel where immorality was an accepted, even celebrated, way of life. This commandment, however, does not complete the decalogue's instruction on sexual purity. The tenth commandment forbids the longing to possess what is not rightly yours and includes this warning: "You shall not covet your neighbor's wife" (Exodus 20:17).
Adultery is a tangible act. But coveting is internal, it could exist for a lifetime without resulting in criminal behavior. Yet God is concerned not only about a person's actions but also his thoughts. Extramarital sex is condemned in the seventh commandment and lust is condemned in the tenth. Lust is not only the fountainhead of all sexual sin but is itself sexual sin in its most basic form. There are many Old Testament passages that speak of the seriousness of sexual sin:
Leviticus 18:6 (NKJV) "None of you shall approach anyone
who is near of kin to him, to uncover his nakedness: I am the
LORD."
Leviticus 18:22-23 (NKJV) "You shall not lie with a male as
with a woman. It is an abomination. Nor shall you mate
with any animal, to defile yourself with it. Nor shall any woman
stand before an animal to mate with it. It is perversion."
God's Word is pretty explicit as to what is sexual sin because mankind is so depraved. God's Word is the final authority on what is right and wrong for man. God created us and He lays out the rules on how we are to live.
Deuteronomy 22 and 23 deal with a wide variety of sexual sins and their appropriate punishments. Under Old Testament law, sexual sins were crimes not just against God but against individuals and society as a whole, and most were punishable by death.
Deuteronomy 22:22 (NKJV) "If a man is found lying with a woman married to a husband, then both of them shall die; the man that lay with the woman, and the woman; so you shall put away the evil from Israel."
The severe penalty for sexual sin demonstrates its seriousness and repugnance in the eyes of God. The New Testament warns believers against this sin:
Galatians 5:19 (NKJV) "Now the works of the flesh are
evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness,
lewdness,"
Ephesians 5:3 (NKJV) "But fornication and all uncleanness or
covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is
fitting for saints;"
Colossians 3:5 (NKJV) "Therefore put to death your members
which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil
desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry."
1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 (NKJV) "Finally then, brethren, we urge
and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more
and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk
and to please God; for you know what commandments we
gave you through the Lord Jesus. For this is the will of God,
your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual
immorality; that each of you should know how to possess
his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of
lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one
should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this
matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also
forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to
uncleanness, but in holiness. Therefore he who rejects this
does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy
Spirit."
Clearly, God's will for believers is sexual purity. He says in verse 6, "The Lord is the avenger of all such." The word avenger is the Greek word ekdikos which is one who carries out a legal sentence. This word is only used one other time in Romans 13:4 where it refers to the magistrate as the bearer of the sword of justice, that is, as inflicting capital punishment.
Most of us are aware that sexual sin is strongly condemned throughout Scripture, but are we aware of what the Scriptures say about lust? Do we understand what lust is and how serious it is? Look with me at what our Lord said in Matthew 5:27-28 (NKJV):
"You have heard that it was said to those of old, 'You shall not commit adultery.' But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart."
In this context, lust is sexual desire toward that which violates God's standards and which is cultivated, bred, and allowed to exercise a controlling force upon the mind. Jesus teaches that sexual purity is much more than mere abstinence from physical immorality: it is an inner righteousness, a purity not merely of the body but of the mind.
It's important to understand that Jesus is not condemning us for temptations that we face. He is saying that there is no excuse for mentally indulging in a fantasy that if physically acted out would constitute immorality. More often than not, we are guilty of allowing certain temptations to come our way. The Bible says we are to flee temptation, but we do not. By our carelessness we invite opportunities to sin. If we exercised wisdom and discretion we could avoid many of the temptations that come our way. Sometimes, however, we really can't avoid sexual temptation. Many years ago, I was assigned to Nimetz hall on limited duty and there was pornography all over the walls. I couldn't avoid the temptation. We need to realize that Christ does not condemn either the temptation or the initial prompting toward sin, but the mental surrender to sin's prompting. Lust does not just happen. It is a choice, an act of the will to mentally give in to sexual temptation. Martin Luther put it this way: "You can't keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can keep them from making a nest in your hair."
Jesus goes on in Matthew to make his comments about lust even more severe:
Matthew 5:29-30 (NKJV) "If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and cast it from you; for it is more profitable for you that one of your members perish, than for your whole body to be cast into hell."
This passage is not to be taken literally; tragically, many in the early church mutilated themselves in an attempt to conquer lust. But if you tore out your right eye, you would simply become a left-eyed luster. Mutilating the body is a desecration of God's temple; it is not the answer to lust.
What is Jesus saying here? The eye represents the gate through which mental input is received and thoughts developed. The hand symbolizes the action or behavior that results from the thoughts of the mind. Jesus is saying that whatever the true source of sin is, it must be dealt with. But are the eye and the hand the source of sin? No! The eye and the hand are only avenues or instruments by which temptation is encountered and sin is committed. Are you seeing things that are causing you to sin? Then stop looking at them. Are you engaged in activities that make sin more enticing? Then stop those activities. As Romans 6 says, do not yield your members as instruments of sin. The true enemy is the flesh, the sin principle that dwells within us all and propels us toward rebellion against God.
The problem of sexual perversion is within me. The fundamental problem is my mind, not my body. Consequently, radical steps must be taken to purify my mind. Only then can I control my eye and my hand. The problem is inside each of us. Sexual sin always begins in the mind, though it does not always end there. Not all lust results in sexual sin, but all sexual sin is a result of lust.
Matthew 15:19 (NKJV) "For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies."
The problem with lust is not that it may lead us to sexual sin. The problem with lust is that it is sexual sin. Immorality in the mind is immorality.
Is Jesus saying that if you have lust in your heart you might as well go ahead and commit the physical act? Is he saying that there is no difference between sexual sin of the mind and committing sexual sin? No! He is saying that both are sexual sins, and both are forms of adultery. He is saying, "If you think you're righteous because you have abstained from a certain physical sin, you're absolutely wrong. You're held accountable to God for your mind as well as your body." This is the same idea expressed by John in 1 John 3:15 (NKJV): "Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him." He is not saying there is no difference between hatred and actual murder, but he is saying hatred is unrighteousness, the very kind of unrighteousness acted out when a murder is committed. Sin begins in the mind.
Living the Christian life in our society takes tremendous self-control. Proverbs gives us a vivid picture of the importance of self-control:
Proverbs 25:28 (NKJV) "Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls."
In ancient times the walls of a city were its main defense; without them, the city was easy prey to its enemies. Self-control is the believer's wall of defense against the sinful desires that wage war against his soul. Self-control is probably best defined as the governing of one's desires; it is necessary because we are at war with our own sinful desires. Self-control is the neglected fruit of the Spirit:
Galatians 5:22-23 (NKJV) "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law."
We hear a lot about love, joy, and peace. But we'll never experience sexual purity until we learn self-control which is always a matter of the mind. Self-control of our minds means entertaining only those thoughts that are acceptable to God. Every beliver has the ability to control his thought life.
Sexual sin never comes out of the blue. It is the predictable result of a long natural process in which a mind susceptible to sin is granted unguarded exposure to immoral input. We are what we think. Today's thoughts are the stuff of which tomorrow's character is made. Temptation may come suddenly, but sin does not. The best way to guard against tomorrow's sexual temptation is to cultivate a pure mind today, a mind saturated with God's input rather than the world's input. The battle is in our minds. Proverbs puts it this way:
Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) "Keep your heart with all diligence, For out of it spring the issues of life."
Guard your heart! If we are going to avoid sexual sin, we must guard our hearts. The Scriptures teach that lust is a sexual sin; you can now probably understand my opening statement that fornication is rampant in the American church.
If the battle for sexual purity is in the mind, then we had better start guarding our minds because we live in a world whose media is consumed with sexual sin. All media touch the mind, stir it, move it, mold it, in every way affect it, even when the process is unconscious. Moreover, cognition is basic to behavior: we act out what we first think. Hence, whatever affects the mind will ultimately, though not always directly or immediately, affect behavior. We must guard our thinking and protect our minds.
It should go without saying that a Christian man or woman should have nothing to do with pornography. Pornography may be defined as any visual, written, or recorded stimulus designed to cultivate or heighten a person's desire toward immoral sexual behavior. Remember, lust is immoral sexual behavior according to Jesus: "Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Through pornography, many people are guilty of adultery. If that definition of pornography is true, then the TV is a major source of pornography because it is often a visual stimulus designed to cultivate or heighten a person's desire toward immoral sexual behavior.
In Michigan, four cities studied junior high and high school girls and found that the girls watched an average of two and a half to three hours of soap operas per day. The soap operas contained one episode of sexual intercourse per hour, almost always between unmarried people. The media have downgraded morality in this country to the point where kids think if they do what they see, they are behaving according to the norm of society. It is sickening to see how many immoral programs are aimed at teenagers. The average home's TV is on seven hours every day. The average child between two to five years old spends one-third of his waking hours watching television. A teenager has spent fifteen thousand hours watching TV by the time he graduates, three thousand more hours than the time spent in school. If the typical young American lives to be seventy, he will have spent ten full years of twenty-four hour days in front of the television. Clearly, it is impossible to spend that much time doing anything without be ing permanently affected by it.
While the media promotes lust, the manner of dress of some women also can have the same affedt. Paul spoke of modest in dress when writing to Timothy.
1 Timothy 2:8-9 (NKJV) "I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing,"
The church must address the controversial issue of proper clothing. In reference to Matthew 5:27, A.W. Pink says this, "If lustful looking be so grievous a sin, than those who dress and expose themselves with a desire to be looked at and lusted after--as Jezebel who painted her face, tiered her head, and looked out of the window 2 Kings 9:30--are not less, but even more guilty. In this matter it is only too often the case that men sin, but women tempt them so to do. How great then must be the guilt of the great majority of modern misses who deliberately seek to arouse the sexual passions of our young men. And how much greater still is the guilt of most of their mothers allowing them to become lascivious temptresses." I agree with everything that Pink says, except that I believe the greater guilt falls on the father for allowing his daughter to dress seductively. Fathers, please check to see that your children are dressed modestly and appropriately before they leave the house.
I personally dread summer because of the careless way some women dress. It's bad enough to be assaulted by improperly dressed women at the store, in magazines, newspapers, and TV but it's extremely bad to have it happen at church when you come to worship. Some of you older women should say something to younger women who are dressed immodestly: do not leave it to a man to say that. Sexiness should be reserved for the marriage bedroom. The church assembled should be a sanctuary to gain strength to resist the world's temptations, not a factory producing its own temptations.
When the church comes together, it should be sensitive to modest and pure appearance. We need to heed Jesus' warning about causing a brother to sin:
Matthew 18:5-6 (NKJV) "Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me. But whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in Me [any believer] to sin, it would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck, and he were drowned in the depth of the sea."
Ladies, God's word says that you would be better off dead than to cause someone to sin because of the way you dressed. Ladies, please be careful how you dress, and men please take notice as to how your daughters and wives are dressed. Don't be the cause of someone falling into sin.
If modest clothing is appropriate in church meetings, then it is appropriate everywhere! A woman who claims to love God cannot than on the other hand violate what God says about modesty in dress. Let your clothes demonstrate your godliness.
Proverbs 31:30 (NKJV) "Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised."
In discussing the issue of sexual sin, we need to mention the subject of dating. The Bible doesn't talk about dating because dating is an American custom. But we can draw some principles from the Bible that will help us with dating. When I was a youth pastor I was frequently asked, "How far is too far in a dating relationship?" Where does the unmarried couple draw the line? Can they hold hands, hug, kiss? The key question to ask yourself is this, "At what point does my body begin to prepare itself for intercourse?" Surely the God who forbids intercourse outside of marriage does not advocate any physical activity which He specifically designed to prepare the body for intercourse.
When a parent tells his child not to play on the freeway, it is safe to assume he does not want the child to walk down to the freeway and dangle one foot over the edge. An obedient child does not try to get as close as he possibly can to disobedience. Then there is the safety factor: once by the freeway the temptation to cross it may be too great, or the child may forget, stumble, or be pushed. The very question "How far can I go?" implies a desire to live as close to disobeying our Lord as we can. When have you gone too far in a physical relationship before marriage? When your heart is pounding like a jackhammer and your hormones are flowing like water through a firehose, it's a pretty strong clue that you have gone too far already! At such times, your body neither knows nor cares about your Christian convictions. Instead of trying to figure out how to derail a fifty ton locomotive traveling at high speed, wisdom suggests we would do better to stay off the train and avoid the crisis in the first place. Believers, sexual sin is a serious sin and God will judge those who violate His precepts.
Ephesians 5:5&6 (NKJV) "For this you know, that no
fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an
idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and
God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because
of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of
disobedience."
Galatians 6:7-8 (NKJV) "Do not be deceived, God is not
mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For
he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but
he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting
life."
Violating God's sexual standards is like violating the law of
gravity: you will pay the penalty. The laws apply regardless of who
believes in them and who doesn't. You don't need to believe in the law of
gravity to be subject to it.
Believers, the sad truth is that "there is fornication among us." We need to walk in the Spirit and exercise self-control that we might gain victory in our Christian lives. It is God's will that we live in holiness and purity. And the key to sexual purity is accountability. Accountability boils down to this: I need people to check up on me, to ask how I'm doing spiritually and to tell me when they see weakness or seeds of sin in my life. Nothing is more healthy in the body of Christ than a strong sense of accountability to each other. If I know I must answer to someone, it makes me more conscious and careful to do what is right. Through phone calls and regular meetings, we need to obey the biblical injunction in Hebrews 10:24 (NKJV): "And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works."
If you are involved in sexual sin, whether physical or mental, you need to confess your sin to God and turn from it.
1 John 1:9 (NKJV) "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
It should be the desire of every Christian to live in the will of God. And the Scriptures make it clear that God's will for our lives is sexual purity.
1 Thessalonians 4:3 (NKJV) "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;"
Next week we'll look at how the church is to deal with sexual sin in it's midst. The church must be pure.
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