We seem to major on the minors today. All to often when we think of how it is that a Christian should act we think in terms of taboos. Christians don't drink, Christians don't smoke, Christians don't cuss. On the positive side they go to church on Sundays. Are these the things that Jesus said would mark out his disciples? No! Jesus said that the mark of his disciples was love.
Love is profiled in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. Its total lack of self-concern is breathtaking. Love seeks the neighbor's good, and the true measure of it is how much it gives to that end. Love is a principle of action rather than of emotion. It is a purpose of honoring and benefiting the other party. It is a matter of doing things for people out of compassion for their need, whether or not we feel personal affection for them. It is by their active love to one another that Jesus' disciples are to be recognized.
Paul begins the subject of love not by defining it, but by describing the manifestations of it in our lives. He tells us what love will produce. What are the characteristics that mark us out as loving? Paul tells us that love is patient. This word as it is used in the NT is a word that almost on every occasion conveys the idea of having an infinite capacity to be injured without paying back. It means to have a long fuse. Not only is it patient but love is also kind, it is useful and good. It is useful even to its enemies. Love reacts to injury by doing kind deeds to the person who has injured them. Then Paul gives us eight negative descriptions of love, these are things that love does not do.
We all know the perverse pleasure that the flesh gets out of some of these negative qualities. We all too often do not want to give them up. It is too much fun to rip people apart, give them a piece of your mind, make them suffer for all the injuries they have done to you. You know how delightful that is, don't you? We are given these negative qualities to help us understand what we must renounce. These are actions and attitudes that we must put off.
Ephesians 4:22-24 (NKJV) that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.
We are not only to put on patience and kindness but we are to put off several things. Paul tells us that love is not jealous, so we are to put off jealousy. Jealousy is the attitude that says "I want what someone else has." Or it can go deeper and be the attitude that says, "I wish that you didn't have what you have." It's desiring evil for someone else. Love does not boast, so we are to put off boasting. Bragging is the other side of jealousy. Jealousy is wanting what someone else has. Bragging is trying to make others jealous of what you have. The whole idea of boasting is to make someone feel that you are superior to them. Love is not puffed up, so we are to put off pride. This word differs from the previous word in that boasting is the expression of pride, and "puffed up" is pride itself.
This morning we want to look at verse 5 and a few more of the negatives. Love is not rude, so we are to put off any behavior that would be rude. The Greek word is aschemoneo, (as-kay-mon-eh'-o); this word is used only here and in:
1 Corinthians 7:36 (NKJV) But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of youth, and thus it must be, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin; let them marry.
This word has the meaning of acting inappropriate. The loveless person cares nothing for the feelings of those around him. The word rude is an adjective which first appeared in the 14th Century. It has several different usages but the one we are interested in has the idea of offensive in manner or action. Synonyms would be: DISCOURTEOUS, UNGRACIOUS or DISRESPECTFUL. Rude implies indifference to the feelings of others. It suggests intentional discourtesy, or disrespect. Rude is any action, look or comment that is disrespectful or discourteous. It can be just a look, it can be a word, it can be silence. It is not considering the preciousness of others. This would resolve many problems if we all started acting toward one another in an appropriate manner, if we were courteous and respectful to each other.
The Corinthians were models for rude behavior. Nearly everything they did was rude.
1 Corinthians 11:21 (NKJV) For in eating, each one takes his own supper ahead of others; and one is hungry and another is drunk.
During the love feast they were showing a total lack of respect for one another. Their worship service was total chaos, each of them was trying to outdo the other. They were rude. They were disrespectful and discourteous to one other.
In Luke 7 Jesus protects a woman from rude behavior.
Luke 7:36-47 (NKJV) Then one of the Pharisees asked Him to eat with him. And He went to the Pharisee's house, and sat down to eat. 37 And behold, a woman in the city who was a sinner, when she knew that Jesus sat at the table in the Pharisee's house, brought an alabaster flask of fragrant oil, 38 and stood at His feet behind Him weeping; and she began to wash His feet with her tears, and wiped them with the hair of her head; and she kissed His feet and anointed them with the fragrant oil. 39 Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him saw this, he spoke to himself, saying, "This man, if He were a prophet, would know who and what manner of woman this is who is touching Him, for she is a sinner." 40 And Jesus answered and said to him, "Simon, I have something to say to you." So he said, "Teacher, say it." 41 "There was a certain creditor who had two debtors. One owed five hundred denarii, and the other fifty. 42 "And when they had nothing with which to repay, he freely forgave them both. Tell Me, therefore, which of them will love him more?" 43 Simon answered and said, "I suppose the one whom he forgave more." And He said to him, "You have rightly judged." 44 Then He turned to the woman and said to Simon, "Do you see this woman? I entered your house; you gave Me no water for My feet, but she has washed My feet with her tears and wiped them with the hair of her head. 45 "You gave Me no kiss, but this woman has not ceased to kiss My feet since the time I came in. 46 "You did not anoint My head with oil, but this woman has anointed My feet with fragrant oil. 47 "Therefore I say to you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But to whom little is forgiven, the same loves little."
Here we see Jesus protecting this woman from a rude self-righteous Pharisee. The Pharisee did not respect this woman, to him she was nothing but a sinner. But before he could be discourteous to her Jesus uses a parable to show the Pharisee that the woman was fulfilling the great commandment to love. She had understood her great need and come to Christ for forgiveness. When it came to the relationship before God, she was loving God much more than the Pharisee. But because he looked down on her He would have treated her rudely had Jesus not stopped him.
I think that Christians loose many opportunities to witness because of their rudeness to unbelievers. Often because of their habits or sins we treat them so rudely that they are turned off to the gospel message. Christians have always believed that actions will either add to or detract from the impact of the gospel message, but we have wrongly assumed that telling the truth, and abstaining from immorality were all that was necessary to make the gospel palatable. But there are other areas of lifestyle commonly neglected by the evangelical community which if practiced will bring greater power to our gospel presentation. And one such area is treating unbelievers with respect and courtesy, and not being rude to them.
I am sure that you could come up with several examples of what rude is. I received a lot of input last week when I asked for your examples of what rude is. Let me share with you a few that capture the essence of what rude is. What is rude to you?
Example: Sarcasm. Example: my kids often chew with their mouths open or talk loudly at the table. They are not considerate of those at the table who do not want to see their food, or of those who are trying to have a conversation over them. Let me add to this; Children interrupting a conversation, as if they were the center of the universe. Children calling an adult by their first name, showing no respect for age. Example: talking loudly during a public program, movie, ect. Speeding across lanes of traffic, cutting off other drivers, breaking line, ect. Example: I was in the Regent computer room in Robertson Hall for most of the morning one day this week. I noticed that a student had left the room with his computer still on and his belongings strewn about. In other words, "I'm am still using this computer, and I'll be right back." He came back an hour and half later. During that time, about 10 students came in to see a room in full use. What's worse, when he came back, he turned off the computer, and left! That's rude. Example: "One day I was talking to a fellow officer and an enlisted technician politely interrupted and began to talk to us. I looked at this person, acknowledging him. As a few moments went by, the other officer began to talk to me totally off the subject and ignoring that person. I thought this was a rude or discourteous, ill-mannered action. It's tough to exactly describe, but I felt this officer didn't show that enlisted person any respect of humanity by not acknowledging him and changing the conversation mid topic discussion. I know Love is not like this." He's right, that was rude and love does not act rudely. Love demonstrates respect for the personal dignity of the other person.
Not being rude does not stop with words and attitude. It also pertains to one's apparel and appearance. If you ladies were to go to Gateway church or school wearing pants that would be rude. It would be flaunting your liberty, and would be discourteous. Dressing immodestly is rude. It is disrespectful of others' spiritual health.
Paul also says that love is not self-seeking, so we must put off selfishness. This is probably the key to everything. The well known Bible commentator Lenski said, "Cure selfishness and you have just replanted the garden of Eden."
A recent survey conducted by a team of professional pollsters, asked the question, "What do people love the most in life?" Categories were children, animals, God, the United States, their enemies, and themselves. It was discovered that 92% of the people said they loved children, barely edging out God at 86% The United States, surprisingly enough, came third at 75%; animals were fourth, at 66%. Only 33% would acknowledge loving themselves (fifth place), and only 20% confessed to loving their enemies. Who are they kidding? They placed loving themselves fifth. They are either liars or they don't understand themselves at all. We all love ourselves! The commandment of Jesus to "Love thy neighbor as thyself," presupposes that we love ourselves. If this were not a fact Jesus couldn't have told us to love our neighbor as ourselves. If we did not love ourselves we wouldn't have to love our neighbor either. Our constant desire is to please ourselves, we are very selfish creatures. This is not saying that we shouldn't care for ourselves, but that we should put others ahead of ourselves. Our primary concern should be for the good of our neighbor.
Philippians 2:3-4 (NKJV) Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
We need to hear this: we are so consumed with ourselves that we often have no concern for others. Being unselfish in attitude strikes at the very core of our being. It means we are willing to forgo our own comfort, our own preferences, our own schedule, our own desires for another's benefit. Jesus who is the perfect example of love became man not so people would serve him but so he could serve others.
Matthew 20:28 (NKJV) "just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many."
We are to have the same attitude that Christ had, that of esteeming others better than ourselves. If the God-Man, Jesus Christ, can consider us better than himself should we really have a problem with this? Paul is also an example of unselfishness.
2 Corinthians 11:23-28 (NKJV) Are they ministers of Christ?; I speak as a fool; I am more: in labors more abundant, in stripes above measure, in prisons more frequently, in deaths often. 24 From the Jews five times I received forty stripes minus one. 25 Three times I was beaten with rods; once I was stoned; three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I have been in the deep; 26 in journeys often, in perils of waters, in perils of robbers, in perils of my own countrymen, in perils of the Gentiles, in perils in the city, in perils in the wilderness, in perils in the sea, in perils among false brethren; 27 in weariness and toil, in sleeplessness often, in hunger and thirst, in fastings often, in cold and nakedness;
And you think that you have problems. All this pain and misery in his life and look what he's concerned about.
28 besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches.
2 Corinthians 12:15 (NKJV) And I will very gladly spend and be spent for your souls; though the more abundantly I love you, the less I am loved.
Paul wasn't seeking his own wants or even his needs, he was concerned about others. Paul's disciple Timothy was also selfless.
Philippians 2:19-21 (NKJV) But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly, that I also may be encouraged when I know your state. 20 For I have no one like-minded, who will sincerely care for your state. 21 For all seek their own, not the things which are of Christ Jesus.
Paul's words in verse 21 are a scathing indictment against the sin of selfishness, "all seek their own." But Timothy was different, Timothy loved others. Paul says, "He sincerely cared for them." The word care is the Greek word merimnao, which means to be anxious, worried or burdened in a serious way, to be troubled with care. It is a very strong verb. This is the same verb that Paul just used in:
2 Corinthians 11:28 "besides the other things, what comes upon me daily: my deep concern for all the churches."
The word concern is the Greek noun, merimna. When you compare the two passages you see how much both of these men cared for others, above themselves. Look with me at another use of this word in:
Philippians 4:6 (NKJV) Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;
The word anxious is the Greek word merimnao. Are Paul and Timothy in violation of this verse? This verb is often used in the gospels, "Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?" What is forbidden in the gospels and in Philippians is anxious care for one's self and one's own interest. Paul and Timothy's anxiety was over the welfare of others. The loveless person reverses this and is guilty of anxiety for their own interest to the exclusion of the well-being of others.
How do we get beyond selfishness? It's something that we all struggle with. How do we overcome it? We can overcome our selfishness when we get our minds off of ourselves and on to the things of Christ.
Colossians 3:1-2 (KJV) If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.
Philippians 2:4 (KJV) Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.
Fulton Oursler, some years ago told the following story that illustrates our point: A uniformed chauffeur approached the desk of a clerk in a cemetery and said, "The lady is too ill to walk. Would you mind coming with me?" Waiting in the car was a frail, elderly woman whose sunken eyes could not hide some deep, long-lasting hurt. "I'm Mrs. So-and-so," she said weakly. "Every week for the last two years I have been sending you a five-dollar bill in the mail." "Oh yes-for the flowers!" the clerk remembered. "Yes, to be laid on the grave of my loved one. I came today," she confided softly, "because the doctors have let me know I have only a few weeks left. I shall not be sorry to go. There's nothing to live for anyway, so I wanted to drive for one last look at the grave."
The clerk blinked at her irresolutely. Then with a wry smile he spoke, "You know, ma'am, I'm very sorry you kept sending the money for the flowers." "Sorry?" she asked. "Yes," he replied. "The flowers last such a little while, and no one ever sees them." "Do you realize what you're saying?" she asked. "Oh, indeed I do. You see, I belong to a visiting society," he said. "I go to state hospitals and insane asylums where people dearly love flowers- and they can see them and smell them. Lady, there are living people in places like that." The woman sat in silence for a moment, and then, without a word, she signaled the chauffeur to drive away.
Some months later, the clerk was astonished to receive another visit. Only this time he was doubly astonished, because the woman was driving the car. "I take the flowers to the people at the hospitals myself," she said with a friendly smile. "You were right! It does make them happy; and it makes me happy, too. The doctors don't know what is making me well- but I do. I have somebody else to live for."
Surely the number one reason both for mental and physical illness in our society today is the overwhelming preoccupation with self. When everyone is fighting for his own rights, no one can really succeed or be happy. In an age in which demanding one's rights is considered a virtue, we must read again and again that love is not self-seeking.
Romans 12:10 (NKJV) Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;
When we are selfish and seeking only our own interests, what happens when we don't get what we want? We get angry, irritated. So Paul continues and tell us that:
Love is not provoked. The KJV says "is not easily provoked." That sounds a little more palatable but the word easily is not in the Greek text. It must have been a person with a very short temper who translated this in the KJV. J.B. Philps translates this, "Love is not touchy." Now don't look at your husband ladies. How many problems would be solved if people weren't touchy! The Greek word used here is paroxuno, (par-ox-oo'-no) it means to arouse to anger and is the origin of the English word paroxysm, a convulsion or sudden outburst of emotion or action. This word is used only one other time in Scripture.
Acts 17:16 (NKJV) Now while Paul waited for them at Athens, his spirit was provoked within him when he saw that the city was given over to idols.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love is not provoked, but in Acts 17 it says that he was provoked; was Paul in sin? No! Like the Lord Jesus Christ Paul was angered by the things that angered God. To be angered by injustice or unrighteousness is righteous indignation. If you love the Lord you're going to get angry at those things that anger Him. As an example I was angered by an article in the Virginian-Pilot on Thursday concerning the rally held at Scope yesterday. The Navy was involved in a Christian men's rally that was indorsed by Promise Keepers. The Anti- Defamation League charged that "the Navy was promoting Christianity over other religions and is working with a group that encourages men to lead their households." Isn't that terrible, they are encouraging men to lead their households! It angers me that people want to fight against anything that is associated with Christianity.
The "being provoked" that Paul is talking about here has to do with things done against us or that are personally offensive. Love does not get angry at others when they say or do something that displeases us or when they prevent us from having our own way. We could say that love is not provoked by the rudeness of others.
Dr. William Gaylin, in his book "Feelings: Our Vital Signs", pointed out that "resentment often arises when we believe we aren't getting what is due us from another person." The author and family therapist, Olga Silverstine, was asked by USA Today to comment on the O.J. Simpson situation, and Dr. Silverstine said, "Men are expected to be brutal killers in war and on the athletic field but also to be loving husbands and fathers. We over value the qualities we call masculine, and under value the qualities we call feminine including empathy, and caring, and feeling. Real he-men," she says "are allowed only one emotion, anger, never fear and never hurt, just anger. And the man taught from infancy to be a winner at all costs in terms of sports, and career, and sexual conquests, he cannot cope with losing, and he responds with the only emotion he has, rage." I think that she's right in the fact that our society trains us to respond in anger when we don't get what we want. But the person who walks in love is not provoked. Proverbs has much to say about anger.
Proverbs 19:11 (NKJV) The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, And his glory is to overlook a transgression.
Proverbs 19:19 (NKJV) A man of great wrath will suffer punishment; For if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.
Proverbs 22:24-25 (NKJV) Make no friendship with an angry man, And with a furious man do not go, 25 Lest you learn his ways And set a snare for your soul.
None of us are immune to the irritation caused by others. Even Moses lost his temper with the children of Israel when they quarreled with him for lack of water. And he was a very humble man.
Numbers 12:3 (NKJV) (Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.)
Becoming angry at people when they don't act the way we think they should is something we must all guard against. If you can't control your anger you will be defensless against the attacks of the enemy according to:
Proverbs 25:28 (NKJV) Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls.
Paul goes on to say that love thinks no evil; this translation gives an incorrect idea. The Greek verb logizomai implies keeping a record. It is a bookkeeping term that means to calculate or reckon, as when figuring an entry in a ledger. I keep track of my spending on my computer, do you know why? I don't want to forget it, so I log it in a ledger. Love doesn't keep records of the wrongs done to it. Do you know people who are keeping a record of everything that someone has done to hurt them? Why do they keep a record of wrongs done to them? So they won't forget the wrongs, so they will be sure that person gets the justice that is due them.
In Polynesia, where the natives spend much of their time in fighting and feasting, it is customary for each man to keep some reminders of his hatred. Articles are suspended from the roofs of their huts to keep alive the memory of their wrongs-real or imaginary. In the same way many people nurse their hurts, they brood over wrongs done to them until it is impossible to forget them. But love does not keep a record of wrongs done to it, it is quick to forgive.
Proverbs 10:12 "Hatred stirs up strife, But love covers all sins."
This same Greek word, logizomai is often used in the NT to represent the pardoning act of God toward those who trust in Jesus Christ for their eternal salvation.
Romans 4:8 (NKJV) Blessed is the man to whom the LORD shall not impute sin."
We have all sinned against God:
Romans 3:10 (NKJV) As it is written: "There is none righteous, no, not one;
Romans 3:23 (NKJV) for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,
Because of our sin we deserve death, eternity in Hell.
Romans 6:23 (NKJV) For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
But to all who in faith turn to Christ trusting in his death to pay their sin debt, God marks the record book as "paid in full." In God's record book the only entry after the names of those who have put their trust in Him is, righteous! Christ died to pay our sin debt and to all who trust in him he takes their sin and gives them his righteousness. If God so completely and permanently erases the record of our many sins against Him, how much more should we forgive the much lesser wrongs done against us?
Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
There is a great verse dealing with our forgiveness in:
Isaiah 38:17 (NNAS) "Lo, for my own welfare I had great bitterness; It is You who has kept my soul from the pit of nothingness, For You have cast all my sins behind Your back.
It literally reads "you have put my sins between your shoulder blades." Think about that, can you see what's between your shoulder blades? Think about it in relation to the omnipresence of God. To put our sins behind the back of omnipresence is to do away with them totally. God keeps no record of our wrongs done to him. The only thing in the ledger is that we are "righteous."
Matthew 18:32-33 (NKJV) "Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 'Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?'
We are to love as God loves us. We are to keep no record of wrongs done to us. Chrysostom observed that a wrong done against love is like a spark that falls into the sea and is quenched.
I read the story recently of how Louis XII of France treated his enemies after he ascended to the throne. Before coming to power, he had been cast into prison and kept in chains. Later when he did become king, he was urged to seek revenge but he refused. Instead, he prepared a scroll on which he listed all who had perpetrated crimes against him. Behind every man's name he placed a cross in red ink. When the guilty heard about this, they feared for their lives and fled. Then the king explained, "The cross which I drew beside each name was not a sign of punishment, but a pledge of forgiveness extended for the sake of the crucified Savior, who upon His cross forgave His enemies and prayed for them."
We all want our loved ones to trust Jesus alone for eternal life. We want our children growing up knowing God's unconditional love. We want our world to understand grace! It can happen. In fact, the grace gospel can be proclaimed with greater clarity and impact than ever before if we'll not only preach grace, but live graciously!
Love is a choice. Christian love is not a feeling, but a choice. We can choose to be concerned with people's well-being and treat them with respect, whether we feel affection toward them or not. If we choose to love others, God will help us express our love. Though the power for godly character comes from Christ, the responsibility for developing and displaying that character is ours. Will you make the decision today to love others as you love yourself?
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