Have you ever noticed that when you are in the process of buying a new car that suddenly you see that type of car everywhere? You may have never known that that car existed before but now you see it all over. That is how I have felt the last several weeks in dealing with this subject of love. The difference is that what I have noticed is the lack of it in the church. Particularly in my own life. As we look at the characteristics of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 I think that we have to admit that we really don't treat each other very lovingly. We seem to act a lot like the world around us. This love talked about here is in strong contrast to how our society acts. Verse 4 starts out by saying that love is patient, love is kind. But we live in a society that is very impatient and very unkind. If you read the paper or watch the news or if you just go out in public you will see just how unkind our society can be.
The impatience and unkindness of many fans at a soccer game in Guatemala city caused the death of 83 people, and left hundreds hurt. Fans who were not allowed in the match because of overcrowding forced their way through a small stadium entrance and over 83 people were trampled or suffocated to death, and hundreds were injured.
In Charlottesville the wife of congressional candidate George Landrith received a 10-day suspended sentence Wednesday for slapping a pet store owner.
The scuffle occurred in July when Laura Landrith smacked DiNardi the pet store owner after he allegedly refused her a refund, cursed at her and pushed her out of the store.
She said she smacked DiNardi because she was frightened and he was blocking the way to her car. DiNardi said he slapped her three times in self-defense.
Several weeks ago Lindesy and I were riding bikes and as we were riding down the street we saw a boy in a karate uniform standing at the side of the road. There were two boys coming from the other direction on bikes and as they passed the boy who was standing there they mockingly shouted out, "hiya!" They were making an effort to be unkind to the boy in the karate uniform.
I don't think that anyone would disagree with me that the society in which we live can be very impatient and very unkind. But is it really any different in the church? Would you say that for the most part Christians are patient and kind? We can be as impatient and unkind as the world, sometimes even worse. So much of Christianity is like the world around it, unkind.
God's Word calls us to be patient and kind in the midst of a very impatient and unkind world. As we walk in obedience to the command to love we will stand out from our society, and we will fulfill the command of Matthew 5 and glorify God.
Matthew 5:16 (NKJV) "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Love is to be the identifying mark of all who are disciples of Jesus Christ. As we love one another in an impatient and unkind society we will be noticed, we will stand out.
John 13:34-35 (NKJV) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
Love is the badge of Christian discipleship. It is not knowledge, or church attendence, nor fleshly activities, but love which identifies a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ.
As the disciples of the Pharisees were known by their phylacteries, and as the disciples of John were known by their baptism, and every school by its particular shibboleth, so the mark of a disciple of Jesus Christ is love. As we look at 1 Corinthians 13 we see just what it is that love does and does not do.
We looked last week at the first characteristic listed here which is patience. Love is patient. The word patience conveys the idea of having an infinite capacity to be injured without paying back. It is used with regard to people, not circumstances. It is having a long fuse. The loving person is able to be inconvenienced or taken advantage of by a person and yet not be upset or angry. This love is very slow to anger or resentment, and it never retaliates. This is the passive side of the person who has suffered injury. The next one, kindness, deals with the active side of the person who has been injured.
Love is kind. The Greek word for kind is chresteuomai, (khraste-yoo'-om-ahee)- to show oneself useful, to act benevolently:--be kind. In the NT the verb appears only here. Clement of Rome wrote an epistle to the Corinthian church in which he quotes a saying of Jesus that has the same Greek verb: "As you are kind, so will you be shown kindness." The noun and the adjective for kindness occurs repeatedly in Paul's epistles.
Why does Paul choose these two characteristics to begin? It could be because the church at Corinth was crammed full of people who were injured. Some were injured by the divisions and sects that existed in Corinth. They were injured by the personality conflicts that were going on. There were others who were injured through the unethical conduct of others in the church. They were dragging each other into the secular courts. There were some who had been hurt by others using their liberty in a reckless manner. There were some in Corinth who were poor and they were injured at the Lord's Table when those with money would come and eat without them and leave them nothing. The point is the church was full of people who were injured, they had been hurt deeply. And Paul says that love has an infinite capacity to be injured without paying back. And love reacts to injury by doing kind deeds to the person who has injured them. In our cruel and unkind society we have unlimited opportunities to show the world love through kindness.
The NT has much to say about the kindness of God and as his children we are to imitate Him.
Luke 6:35 (NKJV) "But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil.
Here the Greek word chrestos, (khrase-tos) is translated kind and in Romans 2:4 the same word is translated good.
Romans 2:4 (NKJV) Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?
Kindness and goodness are so closely related that they are often used interchangeably. We could say love is good, it does good, it is useful to all. Peter translates this word gracious.
1 Peter 2:3 (NKJV) if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is gracious.
The word gracious is also the Greek word chrestos . God is kind, He does good, useful, helpful, gracious things for people. God is good or kind to the ungrateful and evil. We can see that God's kindness is portrayed in stark contrast to man's total undeservedness.
We are called to be like God, we are also to be kind to all. Love is useful, love does good, love is gracious.
Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
Colossians 3:12 (NKJV) Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;
Galatians 5:22 (NKJV) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,
These all use the same Greek word, chrestos, (khrase-tos) -we are to be kind to one another, we are to be good to each other, we are to be gracious to each other. Agape love seeks the good of its objects, it seeks to be useful. Jesus taught this about love in his story of the Good Samaritan.
Luke 10:25-37 (NKJV) And behold, a certain lawyer stood up and tested Him, saying, "Teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?"
The lawyer here wasn't a lawyer in the sense we think of it like "Joynes and Bieber." This lawyer was a professional student and defender of the Mosaic law. They taught the law and also enforced or judged. This lawyer asks Jesus how to obtain eternal life.
26 He said to him, "What is written in the law? What is your reading of it?" 27 So he answered and said, " 'You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,' and 'your neighbor as yourself.'" 28 And He said to him, "You have answered rightly; do this and you will live."
This lawyer reduces the law to loving God and loving your neighbor which he accurately concluded from Lev. 19:18 and Deut. 6:5. Can anyone love like this? Only Christians!
Our greatest responsibility is to obey the greatest of the commandments but we cannot rightly love God or our neighbor until we have seen our sinfulness and come to God in faith, trusting His work in Christ to save us. If we cannot keep the greatest of the commandments (Mark 12:28-34), how can we ever hope to please God? How important it is to see that salvation is by faith, not by keeping the law; but once a person has been saved, he or she can depend on the Spirit to help them walk in love.
29 But he, wanting to justify himself, said to Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"
The Parable of the Good Samaritan was given to answer the evasive question of the lawyer. "Define your terms!" is an old trick of lawyers and debaters. Instead of getting involved in abstract terms, Jesus presented a concrete case; and the lawyer understood the point. The point is simply that our neighbor is anybody who needs us, our neighbor is anybody whom we can help.
30 Then Jesus answered and said: "A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, who stripped him of his clothing, wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead. 31 "Now by chance a certain priest came down that road. And when he saw him, he passed by on the other side. 32 "Likewise a Levite, when he arrived at the place, came and looked, and passed by on the other side.
The priest and Levite were full time servants of God on their way home from serving in the temple. They knew the law and knew that it demanded the opposite of what they had done.
Exodus 23:4-5 (NKJV) "If you meet your enemy's ox or his donkey going astray, you shall surely bring it back to him again. 5 "If you see the donkey of one who hates you lying under its burden, and you would refrain from helping it, you shall surely help him with it.
They saw the need but refused to be kind, they refused to be useful to the person who had a need, they chose not to love.
33 "But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was. And when he saw him, he had compassion. 34 "So he went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine; and he set him on his own animal, brought him to an inn, and took care of him. 35 "On the next day, when he departed, he took out two denarii, gave them to the innkeeper, and said to him, 'Take care of him; and whatever more you spend, when I come again, I will repay you.'
The Samaritans were hated by the Jews, they were a mixed race of Jew and Gentile and
they worshiped God in the wrong manner in the wrong place. But this Samaritan was kind, he immediately responded to the need that he saw, he acted in love.
36 "So which of these three do you think was neighbor to him who fell among the thieves?" 37 And he said, "He who showed mercy on him." Then Jesus said to him, "Go and do likewise."
The Lord shows that our neighbor is any person whose need we know and are able to meet. If we refuse to respond to the need we are not acting in love, we are not being kind, we are not being useful. Love is not an abstract concept; it is a deed of kindness, a deed of generosity, an act that you do for someone who has a need.
Love is kind and it reaches out to meet the needs that it sees. It is useful to others. Jesus
also taught this in John 13.
John 13:4-15 (NKJV) rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. 5 After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. 6 Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, "Lord, are You washing my feet?" 7 Jesus answered and said to him, "What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this." 8 Peter said to Him, "You shall never wash my feet!" Jesus answered him, "If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me." 9 Simon Peter said to Him, "Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!" 10 Jesus said to him, "He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you." 11 For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, "You are not all clean." 12 So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, "Do you know what I have done to you? 13 "You call me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. 14 "If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 "For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
Christ's words to Peter in v. 8 are important: "If I do not wash you, you have no part [communion] with Me." There is a difference between union and communion. Peter was in union with Christ as one of "His own" through faith, but sin can break our communion with the Lord. There is a difference between sonship and fellowship. Only as we allow Christ to cleanse us can we remain in fellowship with Him and enjoy His presence and power.
In v. 10, Christ makes an important distinction between washing and cleansing. The verse reads literally: "He that has been once-and-for-all washed all over does not need to do anything more than cleanse his feet." In Eastern lands, people used public baths; as they walked in the dusty streets, their feet became dirty. On arriving home, they did not need another bath; they needed only to wash their feet. So it is with the believer. When we are saved, we are washed all over (1 Cor. 6:9-11; Titus 3:5-6); when we confess our daily sins to the Lord, we have our feet washed and our "walk" is cleansed (1 John 1:7-9).
When the Jewish priests were ordained, they were washed all over (Ex. 29:4), which pictures our once-for-all cleansing; but God also provided the laver (Ex. 30:17-21) for them to use in the daily washing of their hands and feet. Today, Christ is cleansing His church through the water of the Word (Eph. 5:25-26; John 15:3). As we daily read the Word, allow the Spirit to search our hearts (Heb. 4:12), and then confess our sins, we keep our feet clean and walk in the light. (See Ps. 119:9.) It is this daily cleansing that keeps the believer in communion with Christ. Now notice closely what he says in:
14 "If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. 15 "For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
John 13:34-35 (NKJV) "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. 35 "By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another."
He tells us that we are to wash one another's feet, which is an act of love. What is he talking about? He is not talking about literal foot washing which is clear from verse 7 "What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this." Certainly Peter knew that his feet had been literally washed! The water he is talking about is the Word. I believe that he is saying he wants us to apply the Word to our fellow believers walk. We are to help to keep each other in fellowship. We are to meet spiritual needs also!
15 "For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you.
I have just shown you how spiritual love operates: it is always seeking the good of the object loved. This helps us to understand the idea of kindness. Because of their conformity to the world many think it is unloving, unkind to confront sin, or discipline those in sin when, in fact, the opposite is true.
2 Thessalonians 3:5-6 (NKJV) Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ. 6 But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us.
Being kind doesn't mean that we ignore sin. Paul loved the Corinthians and he corrected them sharply. They were to love the adulterous, incestuous man, despite the fact that, while he was in sin, they were not to eat with him (a symbol of fellowship).
Love seeks to restore an erring brother, love is useful.
Galatians 6:1 (NKJV) Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted.
James 5:19-20 (NKJV) Brethren, if anyone among you wanders from the truth, and someone turns him back, 20 let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save a soul from death and cover a multitude of sins.
What could be more kind, more useful than to seek to restore an erring brother to fellowship? We are to love one another as Christ has loved us. Seeking to do whatever it takes to be useful to another believer in need, both physically and spiritually.
The first test of Christian kindness and of every aspect of love, is the home. Let me ask you married people: are you kind to each other? Children, are you kind to you parents? Parents, are you kind to your children?
A woman expresses the lack of love in her home in writing to Ann Landers. Dear Ann Landers:
My husband doesn't talk to me. He just sits there night after night, reading the newspaper or looking at T.V. When I ask him a question, he grunts "huh, or Uh'huh." Sometimes he doesn't even grunt uh'huh. All he really needs is a housekeeper and somebody to sleep with him when he feels like it. He can buy both. There are times when I wonder why he got married.
I think it is sad but true that many Christian homes are like this, there is a real absence of kindness. Love is vital to our Christian witness and the place to learn and practice love is in the home.
Are you loving those in your home? Do they feel loved? There are two sides to love, giving and receiving. Giving love is the action side; receiving is the feeling side. God made us rational and emotional creatures. He gave us the capacity to feel loved and, equally important, the ability to choose to demonstrate it. The question we need to answer is, " how can I love in action so that the person I am directing it toward actually senses love?"
In the series "Growing Kids God's Way" Gary Ezzo talks about the five love languages. A love language is the ability to express love and concern to another person in the primary emotional language of the other person.
Last week after the service Monsita and Maggie were talking to each other and I walked up to them and felt like I was in a foreign country, they were speaking Spanish. Since I don't speak Spanish their words were meaningless to me. What happens in foreign languages occurs with emotional languages. We may speak our emotional language, but it often comes across to other people as an unknown tongue. We say, "I love you" in one language, while they say it in another. As a result, our efforts to demonstrate love are frustrated. To avoid that frustration, we must learn the primary love language of those in our family. Your primary love language is evident in two ways: You speak it more often than other languages, and you feel most loved when it is spoken to you.
There are five ways of expressing love in action to our mate, our children, and anyone else so that they actually feel loved.
LOVE LANGUAGE ONE: ENCOURAGING WORDS
One way of expressing love is by building up others through verbal encouragement. Taking the time to verbally pat someone on the back is a way of saying "I love you." For some there is no greater way to express love than by words of legitimate praise and recognition.
LOVE LANGUAGE TWO: ACTS OF SERVICE
1 John 3:18 (NKJV) My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
We communicate love by serving others, doing things for them that will help them out or that we know that they will appreciate. Whenever you do something for another person beyond the normal course of events, you are saying "I love you" in action.
LOVE LANGUAGE THREE: GIFT GIVING
Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
Impromptu gift giving (not obligatory holiday gift giving) sends a message "I was thinking about you, I care for you."
1 John 3:17 (NKJV) But whoever has this world's goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
LOVE LANGUAGE FOUR: QUALITY TIME
This requires that you invest yourself in the other person by listening carefully to what they are saying. It involves two people who are actively participating in the conversation and going beyond the fact level of communication. One of the less obvious but more critical needs that many people have is for someone to listen to them. They don't need our advice as much as our attention.
LOVE LANGUAGE FIVE: PHYSICAL TOUCH AND CLOSENESS
Holding hands, putting your arm around your spouse, or just standing close to each other sends a special message.
Out of those five love languages, one is your primary language. One of those modes of expression means more to you than the other four, and another one means the least to you. Your primary love language is the one you most enjoy hearing and the one you tend to speak to other people. Learning how to love others means learning and choosing to speak all five languages.
In your home lets say that the wife's primary love language is acts of service, but the husband's is gift giving. The husband is constantly trying to say I love you to the wife by giving her things. But because he is not speaking her language she is not hearing him. What she really wants is for him to help her get the kids ready for bed or clean up the kitchen. Until he learns to speak her language there will be frustration in the home.
If we are going to show the world love it must start in the home and if we are going to effectively love each other it is very helpful to understand the primary love language of the other person. Choosing to love your mate in his or her love language is a greater act of love than exercising your own primary language.
Love is kind. Kindness may be an encouraging word, an act of service, a gift that says I care for you, or the giving of our time to spend with someone, or it may just mean being there in a time of need, a touch of compassion and concern. We see Jesus showing love by a touch in:
Matthew 8:2-3 (NKJV) And behold, a leper came and worshiped Him, saying, "Lord, if You are willing, You can make me clean." 3 Then Jesus put out His hand and touched him, saying, "I am willing; be cleansed." Immediately his leprosy was cleansed.
For the Hebrews leprosy was a dreaded malady which rendered its victims ceremonially unclean--that is, unfit to worship God (Lev. 13:3). Anyone who came in contact with a leper was also considered unclean. Therefore, lepers were isolated from the rest of the community, they were social outcasts. Jesus touching this man was an act of kindness.
How important is it that you be kind? May I remind you again that love is preeminent and that Life minus love equals nothing. We saw in the first three verses of 1 Corinthians 13 that the person without love produces nothing, is nothing, and gains nothing.
Love is preeminent! Apart from love we are nothing. Love is patient and kind. Are you patient and king? Are you walking in love?
If you are not loving as you should you need to confess your sin and begin to apply the means of sanctification that we talked about last week. If we are not kind we must:
1. We must renew our minds through the Word.
2. We must confess and repent of our sins as they are revealed in God's word.
3. We must watch how we live.
4. We must choose to obey the Word of God depending upon the Spirit of God to provide the power.
The world is hurting and in great need of our love and if we do not demonstrate God's love to them they will never see it.
Love is patient, love is kind.
In our relationships with others, often what passes for love is little more than a neat business transaction. People are kind to us, so we repay them with equal consideration. When they treat us unjustly, our negative response is really what they asked for. Everything is so balanced, so fair, so logical with this eye-for-an-eye and tooth-for-a-tooth kind of justice. But Christian love never settles for only what is reasonable. It insists on giving mercy as well as justice. It breaks the chain of logical reactions.
General Robert E. Lee was asked what he thought of a fellow officer in the Confederate Army who had made some derogatory remarks about him. Lee rated him as being very satisfactory. The person who asked the question seemed perplexed.
"General," he said, "I guess you don't know what he's been saying about you."
"I know," answered Lee. "But I was asked my opinion of him, not his opinion of me!"
Why is it that Lee could respond in this way?
"In all my perplexities and distresses, the Bible has never failed to give me light and strength."
Robert Edward Lee (1807–1870)
As God's children we are to walk in love. We are to be patient and kind to everyone. We can live this way, but will we? The choice is ours.
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